


Of Widow Bites and Arrowheads

by oceannblue



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Clint Barton, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint and Laura Barton's Family, Hurt/Comfort, Natasha Romanov Backstory, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Joins SHIELD, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Natasha Romanov-centric, Nightmares, Pre-Avengers (2012), Protective Clint Barton, Red Room (Marvel), Trauma, What Happened in Budapest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:44:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21671272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceannblue/pseuds/oceannblue
Summary: For as long as she can remember, she has had nothing except death and destruction, has been nothing but a tool and a weapon. Killing is the only thing she knows, her only way of surviving, and the only sort of control she has ever had.When an agent of SHIELD is sent after her to kill her, he decides to spare her life and offer her a choice instead. A choice that will forever change her life and show her that she can be so much more than the assassin they made her.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Laura Barton & Natasha Romanov, Maria Hill & Natasha Romanov, Nick Fury & Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> Just a few things before I'll let you get to the story.  
> Clint's and Natasha's friendship is probably my favorite onscreen–friendship of all times. That said, Endgame left me completely devastated, and it's still ages until the Black Widow movie premieres, so I decided to start writing my own version of Natasha's backstory and the development of their friendship. I'll do my best to include events from her past that have been hinted at in the movies.  
> Like I said, though, this is my version of their story and it takes place in the MCU, which means the plot probably won't really go along with the comics. I know a few basics about Natasha's backstory in the comics, but I've never actually read them. (I do know that she has a history with Bucky/The Winter Soldier though, so I'll probably do a chapter on that.)  
> I've also seen the Black Widow trailer (obviously), but I started writing this before it came out, so the things from the trailer and future ones probably won't be part of this story.  
> There will be some flashbacks dealing with Nat's upbringing in the Red Room and previous missions as an assassin, which means this will go into some pretty dark and violent places at times, just so you're warned.  
> I don't know if people do or don't try to exclude swearing from their stories, but I don't (at least not when they're M–rated).  
> Finally, this is my first fanfic, so I'd really love to hear what you think.  
> 
> 
> Now have fun :)

###  Prologue 

_FLORENCE, ITALY, OCTOBER 2002_

The beneficence event was a great success and the bar was teeming with high ranking politicians, business officials, artists, as well as high society members with international importance. There was a warm buzz in the room, the atmosphere filled with intriguing conversations and laughter, but the woman sitting at the bar counter seemed unfazed by it all, untouched. Considering the wealth and importance of the people surrounding her, she radiated an unusual amount of confidence, and even in the room full of beautiful, elegantly dressed people, her appearance was certainly worth noticing. There was something about her, something mysterious. Something that turned heads and caught eyes. Something that made people stop and stare. 

She looked stunning in her long midnight green dress, the satin fabric hugging her curves perfectly. A slit on the side allowed a glimpse of one of her long legs, while the open back showed exactly enough skin for more to be desired. Its color created a fascinating contrast against her ivory skin and her fiery red hair that hung in long, loose curls over one shoulder. In her left, she was elegantly holding a Martini glass — not that she particularly liked Martinis, but it was what had seemed to best suit her current persona. 

Her own preferences had never really mattered and never would. What mattered were her missions, and they always required her to adapt a new identity, to shed her own skin and slide into a different one. And she did so seamlessly, effortlessly. 

Natalia had been trained to be exceptional at blending in, to fly under the radar and pry from the shadows. It was what she had to do most of the time and from where she could do her best work. She knew how to hide in plain sight, how to remain unseen until the damage was already done. And at this point, being unnoticed had become a sort of comfort zone to her, a safe place — or at least the closest thing to that she would ever get. 

The better she blended in, the lower the risk of being killed. 

But when it was needed, she was a natural at standing out, at making a whole room stop around her and hold their breath in awe. When they needed her to, she knew how to make a show of herself and pretend that she was special. 

The bartender slipped her a napkin with her next drink that told her that her target had arrived. She quickly made it disappear and gave him an almost imperceptible nod before taking a sip of her drink. So the show was on. All she had to do now was wait for her mark to notice her. She smiled to herself inwardly. She was very aware of her effect on people, especially men, and considering how she looked in that dress, she was certain she wouldn’t have to wait for long. 

Only a moment later, she was proven right. 

“Mind if I join you for a drink?” 

Natalia took another small sip before looking over her shoulder at the man who was now standing closely behind her. She flashed him a seductive smile and held his gaze. “And I thought you would never ask,” she replied with a flawless British accent. He already couldn’t take his eyes off her. 

Oh, this was going to be so easy.

It didn’t take her long to figure him out. The guy was a major European politician with international connections and a textbook example of a narcissist; overconfident, absolutely full of himself, and completely convinced that his charms were irresistible. 

After only two more drinks, she was already following her target up to his hotel room. Her mission was simple. Get into his room, get access to his security vault, get all the information she could from its inside, and take out the guy. Later, she would meet her contact at a secure location to deliver the intel she had gathered. 

He was staying in the penthouse suit, of course. Her eyes scanned over the room while they walked inside. It was spacious and nice, with a comfortable looking king size bed on one end, two leather sofas in its center, and the wall facing the street lined with large windows. The room was full of tasteful decorating elements and luxury carpets, and the open space was only interrupted by one wall, separating an exclusive looking kitchen area from the rest of the room. 

Once Natalia had made out the safe, she started kissing him, maneuvering him over to the bed and climbing on top of him. She kissed him passionately enough to wake his desire, but held back just enough to leave him wanting more. All she needed now was an opportunity. When he started pulling down the strings of her dress, she broke the kiss, taking advantage of the situation to get him out of the room for a moment. 

“Why so fast now? We’ve got all night,” she murmured, giving him a coy smile. “How about some more champagne?”

The guy grinned at her with a sickening arrogance and got up from the bed. “Anything you want.” 

As soon as he was out of sight, she went over to the safe and got to work. Her first try was already successful. He had used the date of his initiation into office as the access code. People were so predictable. 

His face was an expression of pure shock when he returned to find her kneeling in front of his open safe. He hadn’t seen it coming; they never did. After all, no one would ever suspect someone like her to be able to do any harm, or would expect someone this untrustworthy to be behind the sweet or mysterious personas she put on.

Without a word of explanation or any emotion crossing her features, she retrieved her gun from it’s holster on her thigh and shot him straight between the eyes. It was a quiet shot, unheard by anyone else in the building but her, muffled by the silencer at the barrel of her gun. Part of her would have liked to take her time with killing him, but orders were orders, and she had been told to be quick. He dropped to the ground, the two champagne glasses shattering on the tiles and the surprise still in his eyes. 

They never even saw it coming. 

Immediately, she went straight back to business, the body on the floor already long forgotten. The mission wasn’t finished yet. Inside the safe there was a few travel documents, a passport, cash, and, finally, something she could use. A laptop. She turned it on and broke through the firewall without great difficulty. Then she plugged in a small flash drive she had been carrying and started downloading the information. Her eyes widened the slightest bit as she watched the data flow across the screen and things started clicking into place in her mind. This was definitely big. Information of this importance would get her superiors a lot closer to their goal, and once more proof her usefulness to those in charge, thus extending the life span they would still allow for her by a significant amount. 

Natalia had just stored the flash drive away securely when she heard it; the sound of footsteps closing in on the door of her target’s hotel room that she probably would missed if always being on high alert hadn’t been drilled into her all her life. 

There had been people following her recently, more than just the usual shadowing of her every move by her superiors, and there had been attacks too. At first, she had suspected her own government to be behind this, but she had quickly realized that the strategy didn’t really match and this had to be the work of someone else. 

The attacks were always carried out by highly trained, well armed teams and with a similar pattern of attack. Natalia had also managed to get a good look at their gear and uniforms and had noticed that there was always an eagle–like symbol on their sleeves that was enclosed in a black circle, so at least it was safe to assume that the attacks were all connected. She couldn’t recall ever seeing the symbol anywhere else before, however, and none of her research had provided her with any useful results. Thus the only lead she had at the moment was that whoever was behind this had to be someone who was very good at operating from the shadows and had enough access and resources to send full on strike teams after her. And they were good, too — not that they were ever any match for her, of course. 

Not that they would be any match for her this time. 

Grabbing the stack of cash from the safe and securing it in her former gun holster — cash could always be useful — she quickly got up, already with a plan in mind. She picked the sheets off the bed and tied them into a robe that she left dangling out of a wide open window, creating a scenery that suggested she had jumped out and fled as quickly as possible. It was the logical solution anyone else would have taken, so they would believe it. Then she made made quick work of ripping off the lower part of her dress and twisting the fabric into a loop — she hated fighting in these things anyway, and right now she needed a sling more than she needed an evening gown —before she reloaded her gun and positioned herself behind the door where they wouldn’t see her right away. 

Her attackers fell for her little trick like she had predicted and walked right past her. Natalia let them walk fully into her trap before launching at the man in the back, just as he turned to start securing the room. In a swift motion, she wrapped her sling around his automatic gun and pulled him towards her, shooting him in the process. She shot another three effectively from behind before they even had time to react. Using the first guy’s limp body as a shield against the spray of bullets, she managed to take down the remaining attackers with two well aimed shots and had just enough time to ready herself before the backup team — now alarmed by the fighting noise — stormed into the room. 

There were three more coming from the hallway, and another three roping down from the roof and throwing themselves through the windows into the room. They were surrounding her now and thought they had her boxed in, she could tell. Certainly none of them expected her to suddenly jump at them again, which played hugely to her advantage; the element of surprise had always been one of her closest allies. Before any of them could even move, she had her legs around the neck of the guy to her left. She broke it with a quick twist. When he tumbled to the ground, she used her momentum to spin towards the two next closest guys and disarm both of them with a quick kick before picking up one of their machines guns. She cracked both of their skulls with its handle, and left the rest of the team no time to react as she proceeded taking them down one by one with a few precise blows and chokes and without ever having to fire any of the machine guns. She wasn’t only an expert in taking people out fast, but in doing so quietly as well. 

When she was done with them, she took the time to look for the symbol on their uniforms to make sure that this was really another attack by the same people, and then risked a quick glance out the window to assess the situation. As it turned out, there was already another back up team making its way through the hotel entrance, and they didn’t look like they were here to go soft. She should probably work on an escape route. Her quick scan for anything useful left her with two grenades and a microwave. She placed the explosives inside and set the timer. This should make for a big enough distraction to create a window of escape, as well as arrange a nice welcome for the next attackers making their way up the stairs at the moment. If they wanted to play a game, they could have one. 

Her way out of the room lead her through the many bodies left on the floor, and she knew that by the time she would have gotten away, there would be even more. But she had learned how to not care about those things a long time ago. Learned how to do what was expected of her, what she had been trained to do. 

_If anyone ever comes after you or disrupts your missions, you kill them. All of them. Dead people can’t get in your way. There’s no such thing as too many casualties, Natalia._

She approximately had a good forty seconds before the explosion would go off, so she quickly made her way to the elevator, deciding that this was a quicker and better hidden way of escape than the stairs. She couldn’t risk calling up the elevator though, as it would have alerted her enemies to what she was planning, so she forced its doors open with her hands and slipped through. She diagonally jumped from one side of the elevator shaft to the other, holding onto ropes and metal bars, until she had made it to the ground floor. There she squeezed herself through the doors once more. 

The bomb went off just in time, causing people to hectically run around the lobby, and the uprising panic among the hotel guests allowed her to walk through the lobby and out the main entrance completely unseen. If the element of surprise was her closest ally, chaos was definitely her second one. 

Outside, the chaos was still raging on. The air was filled with the smell of smoke, and people were wildly screaming to leave the scene as quickly as possible. Cars were honking at each other, and somewhere in the distance she could hear the sound of sirens coming closer. Natalia pushed through the frightened crowd and turned left. In passing, she quickly grabbed a dark hoodie and a pair of flip flops from one of the many tourist shops next to the hotel, and kept walking. Down the street and away from lurking eyes, letting herself be swallowed by the darkness. She pulled on the hoodie and hid her hair under the hood, then exchanged her high heels for the way more inconspicuous flip flops. 

She constantly made sure she wasn’t followed and only stopped moving once she had made it to the edge of a river. Her green eyes fixed on a small boat, floating peacefully on the dark water, perfectly concealed by the shadows from the shore. In moments like these, she was definitely grateful for always being precautious and preparing multiple ways of escape for her missions. She elegantly hopped on deck and started the motor. Without looking back, she sped off into the night, yellow and orange flames from the explosion burning brightly into the dark, starless sky behind her. 

_SHIELD HQ, NEW YORK CITY, A FEW DAYS LATER_

“I just got the report from Europe. No traces, no relevant security camera footage, no one left alive to tell us what happened. Just a bunch of bodies and a smoking hole where the penthouse suite should be. It was her.” Pierce had a stern look on his face seemed to be very on edge about the whole situation.

“She sure knows how to keep all of you busy, I have to give her that.” Fury had to suppress the amusement in his voice. He sure as hell knew how serious this situation was, but he had never been especially fond of playing ball with these assholes from the World Security Council, and seeing them sweat over this one person definitely had something satisfying to it.

“With all due respect, sir, but she took out a whole goddamn SHIELD team,” Hawley cut in.

“Plus, the information she just stole has the potential to disturb global security in a major way.” 

Malick nodded in agreement. “We have shown a lot of patience for your cat–and–mouse chase halfway across Europe, but this has to end. Now. If you feel like you and your agents aren’t up for the task, we can find someone else to take care of this. But I don’t have to remind you of what those people will do to her, do I? I’m sure you understand that anyone, even she, would rather be shot than to face that kind of _treatment_.”

“You really think a trained assassin, who is capable of eliminating a whole strike team, would break under one of your lapdogs, councilman?”

“I’d much rather not have to find out. So we’re giving you one last chance. Can you handle it?”

“Yes goddamnit. I will handle it.” 

Fury quickly punched the screen of his tablet to end the video conference. He was getting tired of the politics. He was a man of action instead of talk, and right now he had about a million better things to do than to stand here and debate wether or not he could handle his own problems. This thing needed a change of strategy, a new approach. He needed someone who could keep up with the Black Widow and follow her secretly instead of already alarming her from miles away; someone who could take her out from a distance. 

Matter of fact, he might have just the man for the job.

#### ***

“Agent Barton.” Nick Fury always looked serious when he spoke, but this time the tone in his voice suggested that there was a special urgency to the matter. 

“Good morning sir,” Clint replied politely and gave him a small nod. Fury had called him to his office first thing this morning, so he was pretty sure the director was about to give him his next assignment. “I take it you have a mission for me?”

“Matter of fact I do,” Fury said and pulled up a file on the large screen on the wall in front of them. 

Clint looked over it briefly. Most of it was in Russian, so he didn’t understand much. Despite being a pretty much fluent speaker, his writing and reading comprehension in the language was terrible at best, completely nonexistent at worst. What caught most of his attention though was the picture. It wasn’t in particular good quality — he guessed that it had been taken a while ago already — and showed a young woman with bright green eyes and red hair that fell around her face in wild, loose curls. Her skin was of a soft porcelain, the rosy cheeks in perfect harmony with the color of her full lips. After Clint had met Laura, he had never been interested in anyone else besides her, but even he had to admit that the woman in the picture looked beautiful. 

“This is Natalia Alianovna Romanova, code name Black Widow,” Fury began, gaining Clint’s attention. “She graduated from the Red Room sometime during the Cold War. She then worked for the KGB and was quickly considered their top spy and one of the world’s deadliest assassins. After the fall of the Soviet Union, she continued working partly for Russia, partly as an independent contractor. SHIELD has had her on the radar for a while now, as her activities have become a serious threat to global security. She has managed to extract top secret intel from the U.S. and many of our allies, as well as taking out a number of high profile targets all around the world. Including a Russian nuclear scientist who was set to arrive in the U.S. a few weeks ago to cooperate with us. Let’s just say he never made it to his destination. It has taken us a while to actually locate her and put a name and a face to the alias, and, so far, none of our teams have been able to effectively capture her or take her out.”

“Which is why you’re sending me,” Clint concluded for him. He was one of the best snipers SHIELD had and therefore he was quite used to being sent on rather difficult missions by Fury. 

“Correct. We believe that she is currently in Russia. You will be sent there to track her down and eliminate her. As always, there will be no extraction team in order to keep things quiet. A jet is waiting whenever you’re ready,” Fury informed him.

Clint just nodded at the director and kept a professional face. Eliminating someone was never a particularly pleasant task, but he understood that sometimes it was necessary. SHIELD did the best they could to try to capture the bad guys, but in some cases that was just not possible anymore and the threat had to be erased to ensure worldwide peace. As Fury loved to say, SHIELD took the world as it was, not as they would like it to be. 

The archer made his way to the door to go and prepare himself, but just when he was about to leave the office, Fury raised his voice again. “Agent Barton? Just one thing. Be careful with this one. The Black Widow is highly trained and dangerous, and she is know for her special talents in... persuasion. I do not want to have you send back to me in a body bag. Understood?”

Clint turned around again briefly. “Yes sir,” he assured. Then he was out of the door.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments you left! I loved reading them and I'll make some time to answer them soon.  
> Now as promised the next chapter. Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it :)

_OUTSKIRTS OF MOSCOW, EARLY NOVEMBER 2002_

Natalia walked down the poorly lit, empty street. The sidewalks were still wet from the rain that had just stopped clattering down onto the ground, and a freezing wind was blowing between the old, dark grey concrete buildings, undoubtedly a promise of the soon onset of winter and the unforgiving Siberian cold. She wrapped her black coat tighter around herself as a chilling breeze picked up and the wind twisted through her hair. 

The night was cold, as cold as her last victims lifeless body had been underneath her, when the small silver sling she had held in her hands had been slowly choking him until it had taken away his ability to breathe completely and all the life had passed out of his eyes. Once his gasps for air had gone silent, the Russian assassin had cleaned up the scenery quickly and flawlessly, a task that she had performed countless times before. 

He had fought, of course. They always did. But none of them ever stood a chance against her. Once the Black Widow had set her sight on a new victim, there was no hiding, no pleading, no bargaining that could save them. Once she received an order to kill, she finished the job. She guessed that that was what made her so valuable to her superiors, but it wasn’t of any particular importance to her. The only thing that mattered was her mission, and when one was finished, the next one. She always finished them, and always with great success. 

Killing was second nature to her, it needed to be. For as long as she could remember, killing had always been her only way of ensuring her own survival, her only measure to exercise any sort of power, the only kind of control she had. Nothing about the end of the Soviet Union or the KGB had changed that. Maybe it could have been a chance for her to break away from it all, to disappear and start over, but killing was the only thing she had ever known, the only thing she knew how to do. So she had stayed, letting herself be passed on to new handlers and her life be used for new agendas. She had even started working partly as a freelancer for anyone who would pay the price and was resolute enough to call upon the Black Widow to take care of their problems. Surely, while the people who called the shots changed, not much else did. 

Finally she reached her destination. It was a small, cheap looking hotel. Nothing too opulent in order to catch as little attention as possible. The windows were dark except for one, the room behind it lit in a low yellow light and well hidden by thick curtains. She entered, quickly took the stairs, and walked down the hallway, where she stopped in front of the last room and knocked on the door – three short ones, one long one, two short ones. 

The old man’s voice one the other side was rasp from too much vodka and too many cigars when he spoke. “Is this the room service? Do you have the flowers I ordered?” He asked in heavy Russian.

Natalia answered promptly to confirm her identity. “Of course Sir, ten red roses for you.”

The door opened and she stepped inside the dim room. The man closed the door behind her and walked over to the bed. “I finished the mission successfully,” she said, her voice holding no emotion, as she followed him into the room. Besides the bed there was not much there. A nightstand, a small table with a lamp on it, and a chair. Not even a TV. Her handler sat down on the bed. Natalia didn’t follow his actions, however. 

Instead, she moved to stand closer to the window. A spot in which she now could be easily seen from the outside through a small crack in the curtains. About a week ago, she had noticed someone following her again. This time, it was only one guy, and she had to admit he was a lot more subtle at what he was doing – if it wouldn’t have been for her habit of always looking over her shoulder, she wasn’t sure she would have even noticed him. This was all the more reason for her to draw him out and finally find out who was after her with such great persistence and why.

“I expected nothing less,” her handler responded, sounding satisfied, and looked up at her suggestively. His rough hand petted the spot next to him on the bed, the dusty old sheets wrinkling at the motion. “How about we celebrate?”

She swallowed down the disgust that burned up in her throat at his words. Swallowed it deep down and locked it away in that little place inside of her, where she put all the guilt, pain, hoping, and any other emotion she wasn’t allowed to feel. Where she locked them to be forgotten and never surface into her conscious mind again. 

Natalia had learned how to do that, how to shut down completely. Many times, her missions required her to be intimate with someone, and she knew how to fake desire and hide her unwillingness, knew how to turn her body into nothing but a weapon, nothing but an empty shell. This, however, wasn’t a mission. This was just one of her superiors trying to take advantage of her. And while Natalia never shied away from doing what needed to be done, she also never gave herself to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. 

“I don’t mix business and pleasure like that, unless it gets me closer to a target.” Her voice was a warning, a reminder of what happened to everyone who got close enough to touch her.

He got up from the bed and stopped in front of her nonetheless. “What a shame,” he said quietly, hand twitching at his side with the urge to reach out and run his fingers over her soft skin. 

He was just like all the other men before him had been, mesmerized by her forbidden beauty, and so naive and overconfident. They all thought they would be able to get close to her. Thought they were special somehow and could tame the monster inside her, dance with her demons, and touch her soul. Oh, what fools they all were. The Black Widow never let anyone close to her. She drew them in with her beauty, lulled them close with her mysteriousness, slowly spun her net around them, and then, when they finally realized that they were caught in her web, trapped, it was already too late for them. 

He was just another one of these fools, and he would have to learn his lesson. Natalia braced herself internally. A fool he was, but he still had fear in his eyes, so he at least wasn’t completely stupid. It just seemed as if she might have to remind him that it was there for a very good reason.

But as it turned out, she didn’t seem to have to be bothered with it this time. 

“What a shame,” he repeated, still in front of her. “I was really—“

*******

Hawkeye was sitting on top of the roof across from the motel room, still and ready, his arrow tense and his arm ready to release. There were thick curtains in front of the window, but nevertheless he could spot some movements in the sparely lit room and make out the shapes of two people, a man and a woman. He knew which one of them his target was, but he also knew that he might have to finish them both off if he wanted a clean mission. He angled his bow slightly, trying to get a good aim. Maybe this time he would get a chance.

The Black Widow sure wasn’t an easy target. It had taken him about two weeks just to find her whereabouts, and he had been following her for about another, observing her movements and behaviors, mostly he seeing her go to and return from missions. Yet so far, he hadn’t had a single good shot. She was just too damn good at what she was doing. 

He, too, was good at his job and definitely good at staying concealed in the shadows, but he had known from the very beginning that she had noticed him. She was apparently not one to be easily fooled. He thighed his grip on his weapon to remain focused.

That was when she moved, stepping in front of a gap in the curtains and right into his line of fire. There it finally was. A shot, an opening. Yet he had the sudden, weird feeling that she knew exactly what she was doing, and that the only reason he now had her at arrowpoint was because she wanted him to. Why exactly she would do that, he wasn’t sure.

Nevertheless, he pulled his elbow just a bit further back and readied himself to fire, but then he stilled. So this was it then. He usually never hesitated. He couldn’t afford to, and all his targets deserved to die anyways. But did she? Sure, she had killed a lot of people in her life, and most of them wrongfully, but what he had seen of her so far had simply said impressed him. There was just something about her. Something awe-inspiring and brave. Something that made him think that there had to be more to her than just the psycho killer that everyone made her out to be. He couldn’t put his finger on what exactly it was, but it made him want to give her a chance to fight. Made him not want to end her just like this, without even giving her a chance to defend herself. Made him want to see if she really was as good as her reputation made her out to be. 

So he shot the man first.

*******

Glass shattered as her handler dropped to the ground of the dirty room suddenly and quietly, his body landing on the floor in front of her, just inches away from her feet. He was cut off mid sentence and his eyes stilled wide in shock. 

Natalia didn’t have the time to concern herself with his death or be surprised at the sudden turn of events, however. All her instincts kicked in automatically, and she dropped to the ground below the window and started firing her gun before the second arrow could even make it though the window frame. It flew across the room, and she didn’t even have to follow its path with her eyes to know that it would have hit her right between the eyes, had she still been standing in the same spot as a few milliseconds ago. She had to admit, she hadn’t exactly been expecting her attacker to act this quickly, nor with this much precision. So much for drawing him out to get an advantage.

“Dammit,” Barton hissed sharply as he quickly ducked to avoid the haze of bullets. He had to admit, though, that he was impressed, if even just the tiniest bid. Never in his whole carrier as an agent for SHIELD had he missed a shot. In fact, it usually didn’t matter who out of two people he shot first, because he was so quick at it that they never saw him coming. If he wanted to hit someone, he would succeed — usually. But it suddenly seemed like he might have just found his match. 

Another arrow cut through the air, this time hitting the wall behind Natalia. It had a thin rope attached to it. Realizing the attacker’s plan instantly, her hands got the knife from her belt. Despite her effort to cut through the rope, however, its fine steel didn’t seem to get affected by it, didn’t even bent in the slightest bit. Someone with equipment like this was someone with powerful support behind him. The realization confirmed her suspicions of the previous attackers being government. 

One of the safest options right now would probably be to get out of that room and try to get some space between them, but she knew very well that it wasn’t the smartest move to make. She was sure he wouldn’t be easy to shake off anyways, plus she now definitely needed to find out who was after her. And she couldn’t do that if she made it across the street just to have to fight him off again. Her best bet at this point was to stay and try to get as much information as possible. So she slid to the side and pressed herself flat against the wall, ready to take her attacker by surprise. 

When she heard a sliding sound, she launched herself over at the man whose boots hit the floor behind the window silently. He clearly had expected her to come at him though, because he immediately pushed back and made her stumble backwards, almost knocking her off her feet. She cursed underneath her breath before she recollected her balance. 

“Quite impressive. I never miss a shot,” he said and Natalia was surprised to hear something close to awe in his voice. 

They were now standing a few feet away from each other, eyeing each other up from a short distance. 

“You just did,” she countered. 

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” he shrugged. His bow was still raised, with an arrow pointing at her. 

Natalia took his momentarily distraction by their conversation as a chance to jump at him again, getting a hold of his bow. The wire snapped into his face when she pulled on it, leaving a nasty cut over his left eyebrow. Clint lost a bit of the grip on his weapon because of it, and she attempted to pull it out of his hands. As a response he tightened his hands around it quickly. The solid handle of the bow was between them now, keeping them at a distance and holding both of them involuntarily in place. Natalia started bringing her knees and feet up, trying to get some leverage over him, and finally managed to kick away his bow and land a good kick on his torso that made him fall on his back. 

She jumped on top of him and locked him on the ground with her grip, feeling confident that she had the upper hand in this. Nonetheless, she needed answers before she could slit his throat. “So who do you work for?” She whispered ominously as she brought the knife up to the vein on his neck. 

“What makes you think I work for anyone?” He sounded a bit breathless, but for some reason not scared in the slightest bit. It unnerved her. 

“Please. Someone who is this well equipped on weapons isn’t just working for himself. I’m sure you also didn’t think I wouldn’t notice you following me. Someone clearly sent you. I need to know who.” Her voice was dangerously low, but just as cool and collected as her features. If any of this unsettled her at all, it wasn’t displayed openly. 

“Oh, you wouldn’t know them,” he mocked and at that somehow managed to free himself from her grip, attempting to flip her over. 

She caught on quickly, though, and kicked him off herself with ease before jumping back up to her feet smoothly. She had to admit, though, that she was at least a little bit impressed herself. It had been a while since she had fought against someone who was capable of holding their own against her, who provided some sort of challenge to her, and Natalia loved challenges. 

Clint stood back up too, and she realized that he had taken out a gun. He launched at her now, pulling the trigger as he went, but she dodged the bullet easily, making it seem casual.

“Did you really want to end this already? This was starting to get fun.” She flashed a challenging grin at him, sparks lighting up in her eyes. 

“I think you and I have very different definitions of the word fun.” 

He raised his weapon once again, but she moved out of reach and then jumped forward again, managing to land a few good punches and kicking the gun out of his hand before swinging herself up onto his shoulders, her thighs squeezing around his neck. Her move caught him off guard and she could feel him stumble underneath her, but he recovered quickly. Too quickly. He moved backwards and slammed himself against the wall, making the back of her head hit it hard. It threw her off enough to loosen the grip of her tights even the slightest bit, but it was just enough for Clint to jump forward again and pull her off himself over his shoulders. 

She caught the fall with ease and was back on her feet in no time, ready to come at him once more, but he was quicker. He threw a punch to her gut while bringing up a knife of his own with the other hand. She was barely able to stop him before it could reach her throat. Her hand wrapped around his wrist firmly and could hold it in place just in time, but he kept pushing against it, threatening to get further every second. Eventually she managed to bring up her own knife, but he caught her hand mid motion. They ended up tangled together, each blade almost at the other’s throat, glaring at each other deadly until there was no room anymore and nowhere to go, not backwards, not forwards. They stayed like this for a few breaths, both trying to get back the upper hand. 

“Looks like a draw to me,” he said through gritted teeth. 

She laughed at him — a cold, unamused sound. “You wish,” she hissed back and with that she dug her teeth into the arm that was holding hers, freeing her hand with the knife in it and quickly making him drop his own with an unexpected upward kick. She had taken him by surprise, he had to give her that. The blast of her kick made him stumble backwards and he hit the ground, but he quickly managed to at least recover his gun that was still laying somewhere on the floor. To his frustration, he had to realize that she had somehow managed to take the ammunition out of it. Clint luckily had a spare one to reload, but before he had a chance to fire at her, the other assassin retrieved her own gun from her hip.

They both stilled now and stared at each other, fixing each other with their eyes, guns raised, dangerously pacing around the room, carefully circling each other like two predators looking at their prey. Neither of them was really used to being faced with someone who could match their fighting skills, and the tension this caused felt heavier in the air around them with every panting breath. 

“Well, this might actually be a draw.” Her eyes narrowed at him daringly.

Clint held her gaze, considering his options for a moment. He could try to shoot her again, but chances were that she could probably beat him to it and even if she didn’t, there was no way he could be sure that he would actually manage to hit her with the bullet. Not after he had seen her avoid the first one with such ease. However, he knew that he had to come up with a quick solution as he saw the fire still burning in her eyes, hands tense around the gun, just waiting for a good chance to fire at him. His senses were on high alert, ready to duck down or pull the trigger at any second, keeping him on his toes in a pleasant way. Did he really want it to be over just yet? He wasn’t so sure anymore. 

More seconds passed by, and both of them could feel the tension rising, the same type of tension that would occur when the last digits on the timer of a bomb ran out, just before an explosion would tear through the air and blow the world around it to pieces. 

Then, suddenly, Clint was hit by a realization. He didn’t want this to be over, didn’t want to end her life. As simple as that. 

“Listen.” His words cut sharply through the heavy air, but he tried to sound calm as he spoke, lowering his gun just the slightest bit. “I don’t want to kill you.” He knew then that the words were as true as they could be. He didn’t want to kill her, not anymore. But he had no idea how to get both of them out of this situation safely, considering the still deadly glare she regarded him with. Maybe the best way to defeat her wasn’t by trying to get close enough to knock her down, but by trying to get through to her, disrupting her focus so that he could catch her off guard.

“Oh really?” The redhead scoffed. “I have this weird feeling that that’s exactly what you were sent here to do.” She remained focused, her gun staying in the same position. 

“Well maybe I was, and maybe I choose not to,” Clint tried, eyeing her closely and waiting for any kind of reaction from her, anything that would tell him how to best proceed. 

Her face remained stoic, however. “Well, I choose not to believe you.” She held onto her gun even tighter. “You don’t go and spare someone’s life. Not if you’re ordered to kill them.”

“You can always decide to disobey an order.” 

Natalia’s eyes flickered with some emotion in a brief moment of inattention, but then she slowly shook her head. She wasn’t going to have it. There was no way in hell she was going to let him lure her into trusting him. “Famous last words,” she just scoffed and was just about to pull the trigger, but Clint caught onto it faster than she had anticipated. 

The bullet ripped through the air and caught her completely off guard. She hadn’t expected him to realize what she was about to do, much less to be able to beat her to firing her gun. Unlike she had thought, however, the sharp pain running through her body didn’t come from her head or her torso, but from lower, way down on her leg. A string of Russian curses escaped from her lips. How could she be so sloppy?

He was at her in a second. She struggled but he managed to tackle her this time, holding her into place, his gun pressed uncomfortably against her temple. Her own weapon trembled from her hand involuntarily as she tried to calm her sharp breaths. 

He considered her for a moment. Even with the bullet inside her leg and a gun pressed to her head, her features were hardened underneath him, and her eyes held nothing but determination. No fear. Nothing but the will to keep fighting and the refusal to give up. He could feel her wiggle underneath him. She was still trying to fight him off, and he knew that if he gave her enough time, she probably would be able to. He was truly faszinated by her, even admired her, in a way. Her strong will and her skill was unlike anything he had ever seen. And he had seen and fought a lot of skilled agents and felons in his life. 

As he was looking at those seemingly unshakable features of hers, gritted teeth and strong-willed eyes, he slowly felt a sort of sympathy creep it’s way into is chest and tug on his heart strings. How could he just end the life of someone like her? How could he just erase that fire that was so brightly burning behind her green eyes? After all, she had never really had a chance or a choice. Life hadn’t been kind to her. She had been completely stripped of the ability to make choices of her own, had never known anything else but this. Ending her life didn’t just feel wrong to him. It somehow felt like a waste of her strength and her skill. Maybe if she would just once get the chance to use her abilities for the right reasons, to choose the right path, she could do some good. 

Well hidden underneath all those layers of determination and will power, he saw something else in her eyes then, too. He saw something that looked like being lost, saw her unsure of where to go because of not having a place in the world. A look that reminded a bit of himself some years ago, before Fury had found him, and that suddenly sparked an idea in him. Just an idea. Just a small shot at giving her a second chance, but a shot nonetheless. He didn’t know how she would react to it, but he knew he had to try. 

“Are you gonna kill me or what?” She beat him to speaking. Her voice was pragmatic, very matter of fact. He realized then that the lack of fear in her eyes was due to the fact that she wasn’t scared. She didn’t want to die, surely, but she didn’t seem to really care, either. What kept her going was a will to survive, not the fear of dying. 

“Like I said, I don’t want to do that,” he repeated carefully.

“Why the bullet then?”

“I just wanted you to know that I could. And you were right that is what I was sent here to do. But the I saw your fighting skills, your capability. It’s really impressive to say the least. So I came up with a different idea. I think SHIELD — that’s the agency that I work for — could really use someone like you on their side.” He just went for it and told her about his plan straightforwardly. She didn’t strike him as the type of person that would appreciate someone beating around the bush. He only hoped that revealing who he was working for would at least give her a reason to consider believing him. 

She looked at him skeptically, a realization crossing her thoughts. “Are you offering me a deal to switch sides?” He couldn’t possibly be serious with his offer. What the hell was he thinking?

“Yes, you could say it like that, and in turn you’ll stay alive. As I take it, you have worked for many different people and a variety of different ‘sides’ in your life. I don’t see why this should be conflicting to you. You get to save your ass and we get a new agent. Everybody’s happy.”

“Something tells me your superiors wouldn’t be so happy about that, Agent,” she replied sharply.

“Ah, they’ll get over it. Besides, I can be really good at convincing people if I want to be. I’ve gotten myself out of way worse trouble than this before.”

It was quiet for a few beats. “Why?” She just asked then, because his change of mind surely didn’t make any sense to her. Her voice was sincere and her eyes were searching over his features with true wonder in them. 

He thought for a moment. “Because I believe you deserve a second chance.”

She let out a scoffing laugh, making her stomach shake underneath him. “Oh, you’re a little too late for that. I’ve used all my chances.”

“A choice then,” he simply said while remaining eye contact. “I don’t believe you’ve had many opportunities to make those. I want you to have the choice to do the right thing for once in your life.”

She sucked in a breath. She hadn’t expected that. Her eyes kept studying him carefully, processing his words. A choice, a chance to start over. That was something no one had ever thought to offer her. She had gotten chances to make the right call before, but it had always been in conflict with her direct orders, and that was all she had known so far in her life — to obey, to follow what she had been told without question, to not make any choices of her own. But this was different. This time it was up to her. There was no order, no one who told her what to do with the man who offered this to her. Just all of her instincts screaming at her to finally fight him off, kill him, and get the hell out of there. But then there was a part of her – she would have said it was her soul, but she wasn’t to sure if she still had one or if that had been taken from her, too – that wanted to believe him, to take the chance. That part whispered at her in the back of her mind, quietly but persistently, and she decided to try to buy herself more time to decide and get herself out of the position of being at his mercy. 

She quickly kicked the knee of her unwounded leg into his stomach unexpectedly and attempted to roll him off her. Clint could see her walls harden when her eyes met his, but he knew he had gotten to her, even if just a little bit. She was finally listening to him. So he let her fight him off, let her get some space. He got back to his feet quickly, not surprised to already see her holding her gun at him when he stood in front of her, but he could tell that she was it slightly lower than before, her grip on it just a little bit looser. 

There was still so much disbelief in her eyes, however, so much doubt that anyone would ever chose to let her live, that Clint let his gun drop to the ground, the dull sound echoing through silent room as he raised his hands up to the side of his head. The surprise that crossed her features at his motion was the first honest reaction he had seen on her face so far, even if the emotion only stayed for a split second. 

On the outside Clint seemed reasonably calm, but underneath that he had no clue what he was doing. He knew that this might be the only way to win her trust, but he couldn’t believe he had seriously gotten himself into the position of standing in front of one of the best assassins the world had ever known unarmed, leaving the fate of his life up to a gut feeling that he could finally trust her not to kill him anymore. Within SHIELD he was very well known for his risky, sometimes even reckless decisions, but this certainly took it to new heights. He might as well have signed his own death certificate. But something about her had made her seem worth saving, and now that he had decided that he would spare her life, there was no going back. 

“Come with me. Join SHIELD,” Clint insisted, almost with a pleading in his voice. 

_Goddammit,_ Natalia thought while still staring at him. She should just pull that freaking trigger and end this already. All of this was probably only a trick anyway, a false offer to get her to surrender. To get her to trust him enough to spill some secret information before he would eventually kill her. So why couldn’t she just use her chance and shoot him between the eyes like she had done with everyone else who had tried to come after her? The weapon in her hand suddenly felt way too heavy, the hesitation making her fingers tremble around it. 

It was because she wanted to trust him, she realized then, wanted his words to be true. That and the way he looked at her, so honest and pleading, and for some reason really full of the unwillingness to end her life. Natalia was always able to tell when someone was lying, and he was telling the truth. But instead of comforting her, the knowledge made her uneasy, unsettled her. She wasn’t used to the truth, especially not when it consisted of kindness. 

“As if I would just do that. Who do you think you are?” Her words were harsh, but Clint could see something shifting inside her, could see an expression in her eyes that didn’t match the cold sound of her voice anymore. 

“Well you haven’t killed me yet, so I take that as a good sign.”

“Yet,” she hissed dangerously. She realized then that, subconsciously, she had started lowering her gun. _Dammit._ She quickly moved it back to it’s old position, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

“Well, if you wanna kill me, go ahead, do it. I’m unarmed, I’m standing right in front of you, and you have a gun. You have every opportunity to finish it, but you haven’t yet, and you know why? Because I think you don’t want to. I think you want to take that offer that I made you.” He really hoped he wouldn’t regret his words in a moment. 

She hated how right he was. Hated how she didn’t want to kill him for whatever reason. He almost had her, and she knew that he knew.

But then she caught herself.

Maybe he wasn’t actually right. Maybe this was just her brain working in the usual way, always trying to find the most efficient way out of a situation. Maybe this was just the result of years of training that had taught her to turn any given situation to her advantage and always find the most beneficial outcome. And how could this be any more useful, really? There was this agent who had been sent to kill her and who — for whatever reason — had decided he wanted to trust her instead. Talking about choices, the best one for her to make right now was definitely to go with him and use that against him. She could get more information about the organization that had sent him and maybe some other useful intel, and then wait for a chance to escape. 

Yes, she was sure now that that was it. She had just seen a different kind opportunity here than the one he had proposed. She hadn’t gone weak and become foolish enough to believe him. No one got under the skin of the Black Widow that easily. 

She let her hand tremble a bit more, intentionally this time, and softened her gaze just the slightest bit. She couldn’t make it too easy on him, though. She knew that would be suspicious. So she launched forward again, only half heartedly this time, and let him twist the gun out of her hand and get a grip on her. 

Clint looked at her for a split second. “Sorry about this,” he muttered, before slamming the handle of her gun against her head. Then everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Clint really got to her, but I obviously couldn't make this too easy either. Natasha would surely tell herself that his words have absolutely no impact on her for as long as possible.
> 
> As for sources of inspiration: I actually watched an interview with Scarlett once in which she said that she thinks Natasha has never really had the chance to make choices for herself, so I thought it'd be nice if that is what Clint gives her.
> 
> Edit: I have no idea what the end note from the last chapter is doing here but anyway. I'm terrible at this whole formatting thing haha so please just ignore it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it :)  
> You probably noticed that I called her Natalia instead of Natasha. I did so on purpose and it'll make more sense a few chapters from now.  
> Also I have the next chapter pretty much written already and will upload pretty soon. I really wanted to have a kind of espionage themed beginning, but the next chapter will be about Clint and Nat meeting and also start to get more emotional, so stay tuned.
> 
> Oh, and don't forget to leave a review.


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